情感生活

We'd like to share some of the positive meanings love has for us.

I know the person I love

I'm aware of the many sides of the other person — not just the beautiful side but also the limitations, inconsistencies and faults. I have an awareness of the other's feelings and thoughts, and I experience something of the core of that person. I can penetrate social masks and roles and see the other person on a deeper level.

I care about the welfare of the person I love

To the extent that it is genuine, my caring is not possessive, nor does it hold the other person back. On the contrary, my caring frees both of us. If I care about you, I'm concerned about your growth, and I hope you will become all that you can become. Consequently, I don't put up obstacles to what you do that enhances you as a person, even though it may result in my discomfort at times.

having respect for the dignity of the person I love

If I love you, I can see you as a separate person, with your own values and thoughts and feelings, and I do not insist that you surrender your identity to match an image of what I expect you to be for me. I can allow and encourage you to stand alone and to be who you are, and I avoid treating you as an object or using you primarily to satisfy my own needs.

having a responsibility toward the person If I love you, I respond to most of your major needs as a person. This responsibility does not include my doing for you what you are capable of doing for yourself; nor does it mean that I run your life for you. It does mean acknowledging that what I am and what I do affects you, so that I am directly involved in your happiness and your suffering. A lover does have the capacity to hurt or ignore the loved one, and in this sense we see that love involves an acceptance of some responsibility for the impact my way of being has on you.

Love means making a commitment to the person I love. This commitment does not mean surrendering our total selves to each other; nor does it imply that the relationship is necessarily permanent. It does involve a willingness to stay with each other in times of pain, struggle, and despair, as well as in times of calm and enjoyment.

Love means trusting the person I love. If I love you, I trust that you will accept my caring and my love and that you won't deliberately hurt me. I trust that you will find me attractive, and that you won't abandon me; I trust the mutual nature of our love. If we trust each other, we are willing to be open to each other and reveal our true selves.

Love can tolerate imperfection

. In a love relationship there are times when I am bored, times when I may feel like giving up, times of real strain, and times I feel I can't move forward. Authentic love does not imply enduring happiness. I can stay during rough times, however, because I can remember what we had together in the past, and I can picture what we will have together in our future if we care enough to face our problems and work them through. We agree with the idea that love is a spirit that changes life. Love is a way of life that is creative and that transforms. However, love is not reserved for a perfect world. Love is meant for our imperfect world where things go wrong. Love is meant to be a spirit that works in painful situations. Love is meant to bring meaning into life where nonsense appears to rule. In other words, love comes into an imperfect world to make it possible to live.

Love is open

. If I love you, I encourage you to reach out and develop other relationships. Although our love for each other and our commitment to each other might prohibit certain actions on our parts, we are not totally and exclusively married to each other. It is a false love that cements one person to another in such a way that he or she is not given room to grow.

Love is selfish

. I can only love you if I genuinely love, value, appreciate, and respect myself. If I am empty, then all I can give you is my emptiness. If I feel that I'm complete and worthwhile in myself, then I'm able to give to you out of my fullness. One of the best ways for me to give you love is by fully enjoying myself with you.

Love involves seeing the potential within the person we love. In my love for another, I view her or him as the person she or he can become, while still accepting who and what the person is now. By taking people as they are, we make them worse, but by treating them as if they already were what they ought to be, we help make them better.

To sum it up, mature love is union under the condition of preserving one's individuality. In love, two beings become one and yet remain two.

我们想把我们对爱情的一些积极看法跟大家分享。

爱就意味着了解所爱的人。能够认识到这个人多个方面——不仅仅是美好的一面，还有他的局限，他的矛盾之处和他的缺点。要看到对方的情感、思想，感觉他的内心，要能够透过他在社交场合的表现和他的社会角色而看到他内心的深处。

爱就意味着关心所爱之人的幸福。事实上，爱不是占有，也不是束缚。相反，两人都在爱中得到自由。关心一个人就是关心他的成长，希望他可以成为最好的他。因此，我不会为他的个人发展设置障碍，即使这样有时使我难受。

爱就意味着尊重所爱之人。爱一个人，就是将其卸任一个独立的人，有自己的价值观、思想和感情。我不会为自己而坚持要他放弃个性变成我所希望的他。我能允许，也鼓励他我行我素，成为他自己。我不会视他为物，或利用他主要来满足自己的需要。

爱就意味着对所爱之人负责。爱一个人，就要对他作为独立个体的需求做出回应。这种负责并不包括替他做他可以自己做到的事，也不是操纵他的生活。这种负责是承认我的所作所为会影响到他，他的欢乐痛苦都与我直接相关。相爱者确有伤害或忽略所爱的人的能力。从这个意义上说，我们认为，爱就要为自己的行为对对方产生的影响承担某种责任。

爱就意味着对所爱之人做出承诺。这种承诺并非意味着把自己完全交给对方，也并不是说这一关系必然是天长地久，这种承诺否认在平静愉快时，还是困苦挣扎、失意绝望时，都愿意厮守相伴。

爱就意味着信赖所爱之人。爱一个人，就要相信他会接受我的关心，接受我的爱，相信他不会故意伤害我；相信他会认为平静愉快有吸引力，相信他不会抛弃我；相信爱是相互的。如果我们彼此信赖，我们就愿彼此坦诚相待，敞开心扉。

爱能够容忍不完美。爱人之间也会有时感到厌倦，有时想放弃，有时感到压力，有时感到无法前进。真正的爱并不意味着永远的幸福。但是，在困难时期我能坚守，因为我仍记得我们共同度过的日子，我也能想象如果我们愿意面对我们之间的问题、渡过难关、我们将共同拥有什么样的未来。我们一致认为爱是一种能改变人生的精神。爱是一种生活方式，它具有创造和改变的力量。但是爱并不是为完善世界而存在的，爱本来就是我们这个不完美、有缺陷的世界而存在的。爱应该是一种能缓解痛苦的精神力量。爱应该给我们这无聊的生活带来意义。换言之，是爱使我们能够在这不完美的世界上生活下去。

爱是包容的。爱一个人，就要鼓励他与他人建立联系。尽管对彼此的爱与承诺不允许我们有某些行为，这种结合也不是全然排他的。两个人密不可分，再无个人发展的余地，这样的爱是不真实、不明智的。

爱又是自私的。只有真正自爱自重、自赏自尊，才能接受别人。如果自己空虚，那么我能给所爱之人的也只是空虚。如果认为自己是充实的、出色的，那么我就能以自己的充实为所爱之人增光，给对方以爱的最好方法之一就是与所爱之人一起充分体验自己。

爱就要看到所爱之人身上的内在潜力。爱一个人，在接受今日的他的同时，还要了看作明天他会成为的人。视人静止不变，则令其退步，而视其进步发展、如同他的潜力已经发挥，则助其进步。

总而言之，成熟的爱就是在保持个体独立条件下的双方结合。在爱情中，两个人变成了一个人同时还保持着两个独立的个体。

网址：情感生活 https://www.yuejiaxmz.com/news/view/72855

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